How to be the boss without being bossy

[Read Time < 6 Minutes]

There's a fine line between being totally in control and being bossy.

OK, not really...that line is pretty large.

However, being able to control a situation is an essential part of being a successful and profitable wedding photographer.

Weddings are not for the weak-willed, weak-kneed, or any trait that involves weakness.

As the wedding photographer, you're a person who has to be cool and comfortable around people...a LOT of people and a lot of them for a lot of time.

You also have to be comfortable enough to connect with those people. I think "bold" is a good word for this.

And there certainly IS a line between being bold and being bossy, but it's a fairly thin one – primarily because it changes from person to person.

At any given time, you may have to corral anywhere from 4 to 40 people in fairly quick order or endure the wrath of the Church Lady (yes, she's a real person and most of the rumors are true).

HOW you do that can be the difference between being the talk of the wedding in a GOOD way or being the talk of the wedding in a very BAD way.

As I write this, a few words come to mind that exemplify some of the positive, yet alternative qualities of the ideal wedding photographer.

• Funny

• Tactful

• Assertive

• Polite

• Bold

• Creative

• Organized

OK, enough about me, let's talk about you :)

There are a few times during the day when these qualities will be essential, so if boldness isn't baked into your personality, fear not – you only need to fake it a few times.

The pregame of a wedding day is pretty tame. Same with the ceremony.

Shooting the group photos post-ceremony is your boldness debut.

Though it sometimes happens before the ceremony, most of the time it'll happen after.

To set the scene, I want you to imagine a roomful of kittens. People like to use the phrase "herding cats" in this situation, but I prefer kittens.

The main reason here is that cats are defiant by nature, and the family and friends chosen to be a part of the group photos are not defiant – they're completely unaware of what they should be doing and where they should be going...kind of like kittens.

As Chief Kitten Wrangler, you need to be able to speak up and get this essential part of the wedding day organized, moving, and over with as efficiently as possible.

"Efficient" for me means fast and correct.

This isn't always easy, but the bar hasn't opened up yet, so most people should be reasonably malleable (I've always wanted to write that word).

The bride and groom have waited months to profess their love for each other in front of God, family, and friends, and NOW they are ready to head to the party thrown exclusively for them.

BUT FIRST, you must get the photos of them with this group of loving, yet clueless kittens (and I mean that in a good way). This is no time to dilly or dally.

I will say it does help a LOT if you've already discussed shooting the groups with the bride. If so, you can whip out your notecard and start whipping the groups into place.

Gathering the groups can be tricky, and I've found this is a time when a little levity goes a long way.

If you can be firm but fun, you'll be able to move everyone through the process and get them all to the party (and dinner) they've been anxiously awaiting all day.

(You can read more about shooting the groups in Issue #17).

You did it, the formals are finished and it’s time for the fun! Now fast-forward to the end of the night.

It's time for the big farewell and the bride and groom would like all of their guests to line up and give them a sparkling send-off with fireworks, neatly diced paper, scented seeds or some kind of food for birds (rice is still currently out of style thanks to the myth that it makes birds explode).

Your job is to get this merry band of revelers gathered up into two lines (most likely outside) near the waiting mode of transportation for the newlyweds. Sounds easy, right?

It could be easy if alcoholic beverages hadn't been pouring freely for the past three hours (or more).

For tradition's sake, let's say the bar has been open and our guests have been getting liberally lubricated for some time and are now a bit closer to cats than kittens.

This is where pluck, patience, and a pinch of penache come in really, really handy.

Let's start with your pluck or perseverance, as you may also know it by.

The goal is simple: Get the happy couple out the door and into their vehicle.

Wrangling the couple is fairly easy. They’ve had a busy day and are ready to head to their honeymoon cottage (wink-wink, nudge-nudge)

Getting the guests away from the party and out the door is far less simple, so it's time to pretend again.

Imagine you're the bouncer at a hot nightclub, and it's time for everyone to go home. Your job is to clear the room.

I actually had this gig for a couple of years, and I can tell you confidently, it's EXACTLY the same.

The old saying "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here" is very similar, but here you only have to convince them to go outside for a short amount of time.

My recommendation: Start with the sober ones. They are your allies.

Move quickly across the dance floor and let everyone know the bride and groom are ready to leave, and we're all going to send them off (yea!)

The wedding planner might be there to help (maybe), and the DJ or band should help, but who's listening to the DJ at this point in the night?  

My other recommendation: Keep your cool and keep things moving.

Patience is key here because even though the music has stopped, it hasn't stopped in the ears of the guests. It's still a party, and no one wants it to end.

A VERY important thing to remember is that every person at this wedding is still a friend or family member of the newlyweds (and a potential client or referral), so swallow an extra dose of patience if necessary, but keep shepherding the guests to the door.

Here's where your charm can kick in and really end this night on a positive note.

Your couple is tucked away and ready to leave. You're putting the finishing touches on assembling the guests. You are almost home!

Please don't forget to smile, joke with guests, and have some fun. Pretend you're gathering a group of third-graders (alcohol takes them to about that age).

Finish getting 'em lined up, cue the couple and get them rolling to their farewell four-wheeler (Click-click, click-click, clickty-click-click).

That's a wrap!

End the night by thanking the guests for being so awesome (even if they were a bit challenging) and for making this a fantastic night.

No matter how many drinks folks have, they still remember the little things, like people who made them laugh, showed them tremendous patience and professionalism, and made organizing chaos look effortless.

That's what we do, and that's one of the most satisfying parts of being a wedding photographer.

I don't think I need to tell you what happens if you choose the bossy, frustrated and angry path, do I?

Of course not! You're in this because weddings are fun.

Being in control (and not bossy) is one of the little parts of the "inner game of wedding photography." THIS is what I write about each week in this newsletter.

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Questions? Shoot me an email at [email protected]