Dealing With the Dads on a Wedding Day
Issue #44
[Read Time < 6 Minutes]
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in Holy Matrimony. Who gives this woman to be married to this man?”
This is the traditional start to most wedding ceremonies, give or take a few words, and, to most people watching the ceremony, this is Dad’s biggest role at the wedding.
But that’s not really true, is it?
Of course, Dad plays many roles leading up to this day, and as the wedding photographer, recognizing and respecting these roles will help make your job a little easier.
Being a Wedding Day Dad could be one of the toughest jobs ever.
Imagine going to a carnival and taking the entire 1st, 2nd AND 3rd-grade class along.
When you get to the carnival, all three hundred kids stop at the entrance, turn and look at you. Yup, it’s your job to pay for all of them to get in...and eat...and drink...and ride all the rides...all day long...including the games.
That’s kinda the traditional role of a dad on a wedding day. Sure, he can play a couple of games himself and grab a beverage or two, but this carnival is for the kids.
How would this scenario make you feel?
Now, keep that feeling as we chat about how to deal with the dads on a wedding day.
There are traditionally two dads at a wedding - one for the bride, who is paying for everything and one for the groom, who is paying for nothing except for the rehearsal dinner the night before (traditionally speaking)
One is marrying off a daughter, and the other, a son.
Of course, there are variations to the family units, but let’s stick with the more traditional scenario for today.
The Father of the Bride plays a very special role on a wedding day. So special, in fact, that they’ve made five movies about him, all called Father of the Bride and used some pretty big stars like Spencer Tracy, Steve Martin and Andy Garcia as the Leading Dad.
For the Father of the Bride, I recommend offering a little extra love and support.
I don’t have a daughter, so I can’t relate. I don’t know what it feels like to “lose a daughter but gain a son.”
I’m guessing it’s significantly tougher to see your little girl grow up and shift her love, attention and admiration from you, the Main Man of the Manor, to some dude you just met last year.
I’m channeling Steve Martin’s role now to help with the empathy.
His role, up to this point, has been primarily relegated to head check writer, card swiper and financier.
Never forget this fact.
Like him or not, you’re on his payroll today, and he deserves your respect.
What can we do for the Father of the Bride? Surprisingly, a lot, which is good news for you.
Touch base early to see if he needs anything or has any special requests regarding photos. He also has family and friends, so getting shots of him and the people he’s close to is always a nice gesture.
Ask the bride if she wants a First Look with her dad. Not all brides want this, but for most, this is the first time Dad is seeing his daughter in her wedding dress, and this is a big deal. You don’t have to go overboard with the presentation, but getting his reaction, seeing his little girl dressed like this on this day, is pretty priceless, as Mastercard would say.
NOTE: If there’s not an official Dad’s First Look, keep an eye out for him making a surprise entrance.
Get a photo of him with his parents if you can. As an older person, I can confidently say that you’ll always be your parents’ kid, and this is a special shot (include his daughter as a three-generation bonus)
Offer to buy him a drink at the reception. He’ll appreciate the irony because he knows he’s the one buying it anyway.
Check in with him throughout the day. He won’t need anything, but showing that you care (because you do) is a classy move.
Compliment his toast. It wasn’t easy for him to deliver this one.
You absolutely MUST get a shot of him with his wife. This is a special day for Mom and Dad, and you want to commemorate it for them.
At the end of the night, congratulate him on the amazing day. No, he didn’t make many decisions, but again, you KNOW his role, and it’s worth it for him to hear, “This was really a great wedding!” from someone who knows weddings.
What all this boils down to is just being a little nicer to this gentleman - not because he has three more daughters, but because, in most traditional weddings, without his help, this wedding could be vastly different (and possibly not include you.)
On the other side of the aisle, they don’t make a lot of movies about the Father of the Groom.
For these lucky guys, they really just get to be one of the guys.
The Father of the Groom doesn’t have any special “first look” moments. They don’t make special shirts or even have any special dances for him.
But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve some special attention...just not as much.
What can you do for the Father of the Groom?
Be nice (of course), offer to shoot anything special for them too, but understand they probably feel like they were just invited to this big party because they are the parents of the groom (That’s not too far from the truth, however)
Get some shots of Dad helping his son get ready. This shouldn’t be posed, so get what you can, but understand that the groom probably doesn’t dress up that often, so seeing his Dad help with the tie or cufflinks is both memorable and pretty sweet.
(Traditionally speaking) They didn’t help plan anything. They aren’t paying for anything, but they are “losing” their son, which may be a part of life, but it’s still a tough part of life.
The Mother of the Groom is probably having a tougher time dealing with this, so supporting her husband is a nice way to support them both.
Make sure you get a photo of him with his wife.
Make sure to get a photo of Dad and the groom, which is pretty easy to get during the groomsmen’s shots since Dad is typically part of them.
And that’s about it for the Father of the Groom. Again, this day is a bit different for him, so making him comfortable is always, as Martha Stewart would say, “a good thing.”
At the end of the day, empathy is the word for Dads.
If you’re a guy, you might make a quicker connection with Dad. Guys bond like that.
If you’re a female, you can make a stronger connection with Dad because you understand his feelings. That’s almost a superpower, so don’t underestimate it.
Dad might not be the most important person on a wedding day, but they’ll probably be the least demanding, so take a little extra time, take a little extra care, and Dad will take care of you.
“Being a dad means loving, caring, protecting and sacrificing every day for your family – Preparing your kids for that day when they marry and learn how to nurture another.”
– Chris Humphrey
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