How to Avoid Bridezilla
Issue #37
[Read Time - 7 minutes]
Photographing a wedding is challenging enough.
Adding extra and unnecessary drama on top is especially challenging, and few things are more challenging than working with a genuine “Bridezilla.”
In Issue #18, I talked about what turns a perfectly lovely young bride into the legendary wedding creature known as Bridezilla. (Read that issue here).
Knowing how to deal with her is great, but the bigger question is,
“How do you screen her in advance and avoid that pressure altogether?”
Well, I have good news and bad news.
First, the bad news - Early in your wedding photography career, you’ll more than likely be unable to avoid Bridezilla.
This is unfortunate but also necessary for building a successful business. When you’re starting, it’s important to “get your reps in.”
You need to shoot weddings and get comfortable with all the personalities that come with weddings.
When you’re building your business, you don’t have the luxury of being choosy about the weddings you shoot or the brides you shoot when you’re getting your reps.
Of course, everyone wants that perfect bride - beautiful and kind, loving everything and everyone she comes in contact with - imagine Disney’s original ANIMATED Snow White only in a wedding dress.
Reality isn’t always that easy.
There are some brides who, for lack of a better way to put it, are a handful.
You know people who are demanding and difficult, right? Those people get married, too, and they’re not likely to become a different person on their wedding day, but they do deserve a good photographer for their wedding and early on, that photographer might be you.
Now, the good news. Once you feel like you’ve established yourself, shot a few weddings and are ready to make wedding photography a serious career, it’s time to start setting some boundaries for yourself and your business.
Priority #1 - Hire the people you like and will feel the most comfortable around.
I cannot emphasize how important this is.
Look at it this way - You do your best work when you’re comfortable, right? And if you’re not comfortable, you won’t do your best work. You don’t need to be reminded how important and stressful this day already is.
Would you want to spend the entire day hanging out with AND SERVING someone you didn’t like and didn’t feel comfortable with?
My answer is a resounding NOPE, and I hope yours is too.
This is why it’s so important to meet with your couple before booking them.
Yes, this meeting is about showing off your work, but it’s also about the bride getting to know what you’re like (you’re awesome), AND you getting to know what they’re like (this is what you’re going to find out).
Consider this a creative job interview, and you get to decide who you want to work for.
For starters, if you go into the wedding meeting with this mindset, you will feel massively empowered, which is great for your confidence and selling ability.
This meeting is your opportunity to ask questions and learn what’s important to the bride (Hint: if she doesn’t mention her soon-to-be husband at least once, that’s a red flag).
Of course, the bride cares about the details, but if you hear things like, “I want this to happen, and I want that to happen,” there might be unrealistic expectations (another red flag).
These expectations can set you up for failure.
This is a wedding day, after all, and with so many moving parts, it’s not uncommon for something to go wrong. If you sense this bride won’t be able to handle something going wrong, that’s another sizable red flag.
You want to look for a bride who cares about what this day means more than what it’s supposed to look like.
I know that may be a lot to ask, but your job is also to ask questions.
Ideally, you want a bride who cares about you, your creativity and preserving the great things that will happen throughout the day, not demanding specific things that could realistically be out of your control.
Rain is tough to control. Wind is impossible to control. The Sun is also challenging to control, but good photographers find ways to do it. However, when Mr. Sun decides it’s time to go home for the night and goes down, he’s not coming back up for a while.
There are things you CAN control, but it’ll take cooperation.
If your bride is willing to work with you to help make her wishes come true, then you have something you can build on. It’s your job to communicate with her and discover those little things. It’s a relationship (both business and personal), so treat it like one.
Talk to your bride, take this interview process seriously, and you’ll avoid challenging clients waving all those red flags.
Oh, and one more thing - This also goes for the Mother of the Bride. The bride could be super cool, but if the parents are going to vex you beyond your comfort level, don’t be afraid to make the hard choice.
This doesn’t happen often, but it does happen.
And lastly, if you find yourself feeling like you’d be better off NOT working with a bride or a couple, it’s best to say it kindly and honestly.
I recommend taking a day to breathe in and out and think about the time you spent together. If you still feel like you’d prefer NOT to take their wedding, a simple call will do (I prefer to decline with a call rather than an email. It’s a classier move).
Here’s a script you can use.
“Thank you so much for meeting with me yesterday. Your wedding day sounds terrific, but I don’t think I’m the right photographer for you. I need to feel confident for me to do my best work, and given my photography style and what you’ve described for your day, I don’t think we’ll be a good fit.”
You should mention some of your concerns, but don’t be mean and don’t make it personal. Take a tip from Michael Corleone, “It’s not personal, it’s business.”
Keep it businesslike and explain why your style isn’t compatible with her needs.
This may take some practice, but you’ll find the right things to say, and then you can offer other photographers who might be a better fit (This is also a classy move).
I’ll say it again - Do not make this personal.
The bride-to-be is doing her best to create the best possible day for herself (she wants to hire you, after all). She’s not guaranteed to become Bridezilla, but some personalities come together like Lego, and others are like Lincoln Logs (they sort of fit, but not perfectly).
On the wedding day, you want to deliver your very best work, so yes, personalities that are aligned are good.
Be kind, be professional, and if she’s genuinely not going to bring out your best work, do what you feel is best.
But also be very careful who you refer this bride to. The last thing you want is to burn a bridge with a colleague.
But what can you do when you find your bride is actually a Closet Bridezilla? (Here’s an excerpt from Issue #18)
Yes, it does happen. You do your due diligence, and despite your best efforts, you find your lovely bride has a bit of a dark side. Don’t sweat it.
I can tell you that the best defense against a Bridezilla is a strong and syrupy-sweet offense. Don’t go overboard, and don’t “act” like you care if you really don’t, but try these.
Be a great advocate for your bride.
Be compassionate and reassuring. Tell the bride how well things are going.
Go above and beyond and fix whatever is bugging her.
Be the strong and steady one and always remind her, “No matter what, I’ll make sure the wedding doesn’t start without you” (you can borrow that line if you’d like :)
Believe it or not, this is a way to really gain massive points with Mom and the bridesmaids. By being the coolest head in the room and the most calming person possible.
Everyone sees the little things you do, especially the bridesmaids.
“Conflict is drama, and how people deal with conflict shows you the kind of people they are.”
Stephen Moyer
Being comfortable and doing your best work despite personality challenges is just one of the little parts of the “inner game of wedding photography.” THIS is what I write about each week in this newsletter.
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