Business or Friendship? What to focus on first

Issue #7

[Read Time 4 min]

A good friend and brilliant wedding photographer has always made me more than a little jealous of his ability to become such good friends with his couples before the wedding.

He'd have dinner and drinks and create this incredible relationship with a couple, all while starting with a business transaction.

I won't lie - There are some very positive advantages to having a close relationship leading up to The Big Day. It would be like having a good friend in your corner throughout the day - cheering you on and making you look good to everyone.

BUT

Could there be a downside to that? That's what I asked myself long ago, and the answer has shaped how I build my relationship with my couples.

Disclaimer: There is no one right way to do anything, especially when it comes to relationships. Try it one way, then try another and another, and do what feels best for you. This is simply my way and you have every right to copy it or criticize it - your choice.

Despite my jealousy, I always felt there was something a bit "off" when it came to befriending my couples prior to the wedding. I know the problem was between my ears, but it felt wrong...not at first, but later, on the wedding day.

A wedding day is a very special day…for a few good reasons.

The first is obvious. This is the day a couple stands in front of God, their family and friends and tells everyone that this good-looking person standing in front of them is the one. THIS is the person I will spend the rest of my life with…(kiss-kiss) now let's go party!

The other reason is a bit more nuanced.

On a wedding day (much like the evening of a full moon), something in the air can turn a very sweet and normal person into somewhat of a tempest.

This is the part that made being “cozy” with my clients more than a bit uncomfortable for me (and no, it's not the transformational part).

On a wedding day, emotions are turned all the way up to 11. This is normal, and I have no problem with it. I actually thrive in these situations (and I'll teach you how to as well).

This is a HUGE day with at least a hundred moving parts, hundreds of moving people and alcohol. There's nothing normal about this incredible day.

For me and my role, I am here to serve. That's my job – to serve as the official photographic documentarian for their wedding. It's a fantastic job and one that I take very seriously, and I want my couples to know that.

I want them to know that my service to them is the #1 thing, and nothing else will get in the way...especially a friendship. Once I realized this, my approach to business friendships changed drastically.

I have no problem telling them I am here to serve THEM. If they need something, just ask. They don't have to ask nicely or worry about making me uncomfortable. I'm here to serve, period.

If I'm doing my job properly, I'm attending to the bride and the moms while I'm taking amazing photos of the day.

I make a point to communicate this to my bride and the moms BEFORE the wedding because I know things can get weird on the day (and I remind them on the wedding day as well, just to be safe).

So now the bride can comfortably ask me, "Will you tell the florist not to forget the flower petals on the guest tables?" and not feel like she's overstepping the boundaries of our relationship and being bossy.

No one wants to be bossy, even if they are stressed. Friends typically don’t order each other around. But if you establish a solid business relationship, your bride won’t have to feel weird giving you an order or two. You are there there to serve, right?

I look at it this way – if I can help the bride feel as comfortable as possible, then that makes the bride...comfortable. And a comfortable bride is a relaxed bride, and a relaxed bride is a happy bride, and a happy bride looks SO much better in her photos (fine, it might be a bit selfish, but it’s still good my bride.)

This is the part that makes you look good!

So what happens after the wedding? I'm glad you asked.

The bride and groom are happy (probably because you took unbelievably great wedding photos).

NOW you can become friends and even close ones because this friendship started with respect and care and attention, and people don't forget when others have genuinely cared for them…especially on a day so special as their wedding day.

People remember these little things and these make the referrals come easily. Now, it's like referring a friend to another friend, which is the best kind of referral.

“It’s literally true that you can succeed best and quickest by helping others to succeed.”

– Napoleon Hill

Building a strong relationship with your couples is one of the little parts of the "inner game of wedding photography."

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