Dealing With Drunks - A Guide To Avoiding Wedding Conflict

Issue #24

[Read Time - 6 Minutes]

So you want a real peek inside wedding photography?

Fair Warning: It’s not always glamorous.

This is the first of many issues on “dealing with” the many, many different personalities you find at a wedding. Of course, there are the brides, bridesmaids, grooms, and groomsmen - those are the obvious and important ones.

You also have dads, moms, stepdads, stepmoms, cousins, aunts, uncles, best friends, and people who think they are best friends - you get what I’m painting here, right?

Everyone is special, and it takes something special to know how to “deal with” everyone.

This first one might sound like an odd one, but trust me, it’s a real one.

Weddings are a party. Alcohol gets served at parties. People often drink too much at parties, so you will eventually face this situation.

For the Female Photographers

If you’re a female, which I am not, you’ll have a different degree of issues I cannot speak completely confident about. Though I have been hit on by guys before, I can’t imagine dealing with this on a regular basis.

I’m sure, as a female, you’ve been trained in one form or another to be tactful yet tough, so I’ll offer the same advice I’ll give male photographers, but with a different emphasis.

Keep your head and don’t take anything personally.

This might not be easy, and you WILL experience a rainbow of unpleasantries like shock, insult, or verbal abuse, but unless it falls into the category of something physical or dangerous, try to remember that free alcohol is powerful in the hands of some people (I’m so proud of myself for not calling these people idiots).

On the other hand, although I’m not a lawyer or law enforcement officer, I will say that if you ever feel threatened or in physical danger, seek out one of the dads and let them know immediately (hopefully, it’s not one of the dads you’re in danger from and if it is, the mother of the bride is your goto).

Weddings do not typically come with security, so family members are the highest folks on the food chain of responsibility. I wish I could offer more.

For the Male Photographers

OK, for the fellas, you have two things to look out for.

The first is the delightful ladies who have consumed too many sparkling spirits and find themselves attracted to a man in uniform…or a man holding a camera.

The first time this happens, you’ll probably feel flattered. OK, that’s natural.

Feel flattered, then flee.

There’s absolutely no good that comes from getting cozy with ANY wedding guest.

Be polite, of course. Be charming, if you must, but DO NOT ENGAGE in any way. Period.

The second problem is more common, and sadly, you’ll have to deal with the same guys that will plague our female photographers...only for a different reason.

Dopey dudes who can’t handle their alcohol are not uncommon at weddings and the best course of action is to avoid them altogether.

If you want to have a little fun and get some great photos of them displaying their plastered prowess for your portfolio, you have my permission (the couple will love them, too).

Alas, sometimes, trouble finds you, especially when you have to be a little bold or assertive at certain times of the night.

The most common is at the end of the fiesta, when you have to round everyone up for the farewell. You can read more about this process HERE.

When the party has ended, and the newlyweds are ready to drive off into the sunset, they’re traditionally sent off with a big farewell. Lucky for you, it’s traditionally your job to gather folks up for the send-off.

For this departure, time is usually a factor because when the couple is ready to go, they’re really ready to go.

At the same time, the event staff are ready to get their work started by cleaning the room, and the band or DJ is anxious to pack up their gear and head home as well.

Bottom line - This is not a time to dilly or dally

While I recommend being a club bouncer for a couple of years to gain proper training in this practice, I know that might not be possible for everyone.

Do your best to be polite yet firm and herd the folks to the door, where they are often handed incendiary sticks to wave at the departing couple (this is such a good idea!)

As you begin the wrangling process, it is pretty common for at least a couple of the more passionate party people to resist the closure of the festivities.

But, as the saying goes, “You don’t have to go home, you just can’t stay here.”

If (when) you are confronted by someone who doesn’t take a shine to you shutting down the party (of course, it’s your fault), please take the same advice I gave the female photographers.

Keep your head and don’t take anything personally.

Because you’re more than likely not nearly as attractive as your female counterpart, you should expect to receive significantly less wooing vibes and a bit more, “Hey, Bro, stop telling me what to do!”

The clinical term for this is “conflict.”

My best advice is just keep your head, smile, and keep moving folks toward the door.

Try to ignore the problem child and stay on task. You’re still the photographer, you still have a job to do, and you’re a professional, so act like it.

I’m sure any good defense instructor will tell you - Don’t square up to an aggressor and don’t make unnecessary eye contact. Take this advice too.

One good play is to look for a less drunk friend or girlfriend to ally with. That usually helps calm things down.

In the unlikely event that things escalate, follow these three simple rules:

#1 Keep your head.

#2 Be gracious and slowly back things down.

#3 Apologize (yes, even if it’s not your fault that things got heated).

A dad or uncle is a good person to bring in at this point. Family members are typically not the problem, so bringing family in is also a solid play.

PLEASE DO NOT ENGAGE in any way.

And also (this one is tough for me) DO NOT toss in a snarky yet funny verbal jab that might fling fuel on the fire.

Being clever, playful, and assertive all at the same time is an advanced move, but you must always remain professional.

Regardless of whether you’re a male or female, remember, this one wayward wedding guest is NOT worth your energy and certainly NOT worth damaging your reputation.

Pull out your best Elsa attitude and LET IT GO.

You should never forget that people are always watching you.

How you handle challenging situations can be a significant factor in whether you are considered for a potential wedding referral.

There will be many more wonderful weddings without hooch-filled hooligans, so don’t worry too much about this…just be prepared.

Handle things well, and you will be rewarded.

At one particular wedding, I was approached by a guest I’d seen at another wedding months before and received a very kind apology from them for their drunken demeanor at the previous event.

I’m not sure how in the world they remembered me, given the amount of alcohol they ingested that night, but I appreciated the act and am grateful that I didn’t let my bravado get the best of me.

Here’s one more for the road.

Remember - Keep your head and don’t take anything personally.

“I have learned that I really do have discipline, self-control, and patience. But they were given to me as a seed, and it’s up to me to choose to develop them.”

– Joyce Meyer

Dealing with alcohol-challenged people is one small part of the “inner game of wedding photography. THIS is what I write about each week in this newsletter.

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