The Real Value of the MOG

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It's rather ironic that the slang for MOG the kids are using these days is being more attractive, more stylish or just superior.

That's definitely not the MOG I'm talkin' about.

The Mother of the Groom is not exactly the person at the center of attention on the wedding day.

We all know it's the bride's day, so the Mother of the Groom, while playing a vital biological role in the union of the couple, is not given a tremendous amount of love in her role.

There are no movies about the MOG. People don't ask what the MOG is going to wear. Even the acronym is icky.

I'll warn you now, don't fall into this trap.

Because of the often-maligned portrayal of this role, it might be easy to simply say, "Just be nice to her," and call it a day.

That would make for a rather boring newsletter, and as I teased 38 words ago, underestimating the Mother of the Groom is a mistake.

Unlike last week's epic narrative on the three types of personalities for the Mother of the Bride (Issue #57, BTW), in my opinion, the Mother of the Groom doesn't have that kind of dynamic range.

Let's get the foundational parts out of the way.

Traditionally speaking, the Mother of the Groom does not pay for the wedding, the wedding dress, the tuxes, the flowers, the food, the venues, the band or the cake.

This is, traditionally speaking, covered on the bride's side. And because of that, the Mother of the Groom is, traditionally speaking, not involved in any of the planning of the big day.

This is not uncommon and it's no slight to the Mother of the Groom.

BUT

The Mother of the Groom is still a loving mom who cares about this day and her son.

This is the day, after all, when her son, whom she birthed, raised and nurtured into a responsible young man, is now going to leave "the nest" and build a life of his own with a woman who is NOT his mother.

I'm not a mom, but I have one, and I can see the case for how "losing a son" might be tough to bear.

She's still a mom, and in her mind, she's an integral part of this day.

So, how does this affect you, the humble wedding photographer?

Imagine for a moment you are the Mother of the Groom.

You show up at the church or the venue, and everything is hustling and bustling. Everyone is busy, but not you. All the planning has been completed, and decisions have been made, and you haven't been asked to do any of it.

Oh sure, you hosted a lovely dinner the night before because that's your role, traditionally speaking. But, as we thoroughly covered already, you don't have any other responsibilities.

Now you could take this opportunity to simply enjoy a swingin' party – eat great food, sip on some beverages, dance to the band and revel in this bliss of seeing your son as happy as he's ever been in his life, not to mention showered and dressed rather nice for a change.

OR

You could slightly resent that no one asked for your opinion throughout this entire day (or any day leading up to this one.) You might not love the chicken but no one asked what you think. You might not love the band, but no one asked what music you like. You might not even like the floral arrangements (is that even possible?)

Is there no single person at this wedding who cares what you want?

I'll ask again – How does this affect you, the humble wedding photographer?

You're there to take photos, play the defacto wedding planner at times, and preserve this day by caring for everyone, especially the newly wedded couple.

Wait a minute. Hold the phone.

The wedding photographer is there to take care of "everyone." That certainly applies to the Mother of Groom, doesn't it? Oh yes, it does...and there’s a decent chance she’ll see on this opportunity…and seize it.

The light usually turns on the first time you ask the question (and you should always be asking this question to both parents, BTW), "Are there any special people or groups you'd like me to get some shots of?"

Game on! The Mother of the Groom has been waiting for this moment all day. Control!

Before you know it, you'll be taking shots of brothers, uncles, cousins, kids, adults, small groups and larger groups. It's the MOG Time to Shine Moment, and it will not be squandered.

To be clear, she's not being vindictive (hopefully). She's just opening this window of opportunity a little wider to get something she wants.

I'm telling you this so you can be ready. It won't happen every time, but it will happen.

The big warning though is that it’s very important you still take care of everyone else at the wedding, too.

Be in control, be kind, and be firm when you need to be.  

"You gather the troops up, and I'll be back after I shoot some more of your son and his wife" is a good line I use that politely reminds Mom of why you're here in the first place.

So, is there anything you can do to avoid this?

Why would you want to avoid it?

You're at this beautiful event to serve with your camera, your skills, and your ridiculous amount of goodwill and patience.

YOU, the humble wedding photographer, get to add joy and satisfaction to a woman and a mother who deserves it.

You do want to be aware and prepared for this situation, but you don't want to dodge this moment. This is an opportunity for you to do some good.

I've NEVER heard anyone EVER talk about the Mother of the Groom except to complain about her (and yes, I'm guilty of that, too.) Now, you know better.

Putting yourself in the shoes of others (especially the parents of the couple) is a ginormous part of becoming a successful wedding photographer.

If there was only a good word for this...oh, yeah, EMPATHY!

This isn't just good business, it's about being a good person and taking good care of everyone on a wedding day…which also happens to be good business.

Look at it this way – Today she's the Mother of the Groom, the MOG, but next summer, she might be the Mother of the Bride, the venerable MOB, and you, the person who took care of her with love, respect and excellence, will be at the top of the vendor list for the next big day.

Dealing with the groom's mother is one of the little parts of the "inner game of wedding photography."

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